Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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