Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
