why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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