my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
