So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
pray to the hookup gods
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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