oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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