It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Randomize
