she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize