She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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