mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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