So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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