I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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