upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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