I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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