she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
