i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
