I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
