I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
