You can't motorboat a personality
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
