i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize