I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
