Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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