Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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