Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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