so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
