Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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