if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
