This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
