Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
