He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
