Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize