Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
