I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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