They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I did not marry a roomba.
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