Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge

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(647): View more from Ontario

Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...

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(805): View more from California

He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Wow.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.

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