I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
