I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
