Don't you send me to vm
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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