My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
