they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
