Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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