I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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