I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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