clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
