U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
