I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
