am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
that may or may not have been my penis.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
