she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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