dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
