I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
