I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
