I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize