You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
