my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
