U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
