hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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