Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
