I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
