She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
