I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
