Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
