My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
