You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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