Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
