Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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