No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
