wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize