Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
