I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
