I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
