This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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