we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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