right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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