A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
