..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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