This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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