that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
