watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
