you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
