just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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