Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize