Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
