Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
