Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize