then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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