That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
