is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
