Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
