Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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