Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
