first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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