You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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