my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
